You can't tell yourself that you did not love that job anyway, because that is a reason to leave a particular position, not the workforce. You can't tell yourself that life/career/family can't all be done because all around you are women are having the "big career" or the "deeply fulfilling" career or just a good job and raising amazing children, kids just like you hope yours will be. Even in the face to two beautiful little boys and another on the way, it was hard to find a narrative to tell myself: Walking away from my job was tinged with the feeling of failure. The Quick Therapy That Actually Works Olga Khazan (Although career reentry expert Carol Fishman Cohen explains it is important to note that survey participants may intentionally choose a lower-compensated job post-career break for reasons ranging from simply wanting a less stressful job to wanting more schedule flexibility.) And the non-monetary costs can be every bit as daunting. But a 2011 Harvard study shows that the earnings penalty to MBAs for taking a job interruption of as little as 18 months, within 15 years of receiving a bachelors degree, is an astounding 41 percent. The monetary and nonmonetary costs were incalculable and barely studied at the time. I did not make this decision with imperfect knowledge of what the workplace would offer when I returned. And some women, like myself, walk because the career they have and the parent they want to be (with the spouse they have chosen) cannot seem to exist in the same life. Some women walk away because their families can afford for them not to work. Some women walk away because their families cannot afford the daycare they need to stay employed. In 1995, just before my third child was born, I joined the 43 percent of highly qualified women who off-ramp, opt out, or walk away from a good income. The fact that for me this was such a disquieting question suggests that even now, more than a decade and half into my self-inflicted exile from the paid workplace, I am not fully comfortable with my decision. The question asks, "What does someone pay you to do?" And for that, I had no answer. No, the question "What do you do?" really means, "What do you do besides look after your family, clean your house, grocery shop, and volunteer in your community?" The question touches on our identity and ambition, how others value us, and even how our children perceive us. Yes, I take care of my kids, but working parents take care of their kids, too. Each time I am momentarily dumbstruck and struggle for an answer. The four most dreaded words in the English language, according to a recent study, are, "We need to talk." But for me, as a long time stay-at-home mom, the four words I dread most are, "What do you do?" It is the question that sneaks up on me at a parent-teacher conference or the sidelines of a soccer game.
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